He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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