Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
