my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
did i just pee glitter
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
