Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize