Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
