you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
