what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
