i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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