My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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