I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
