let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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