you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
