Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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