Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
