I think im going to throw up on grandma
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
