my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
