at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
