is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
