Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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