Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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