he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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