you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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