At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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