i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
