I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
