I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
