I bet he comes in French.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
