I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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