i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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