Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
