you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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