he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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