Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
