I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
