Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
