and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You smell like stripper and shame
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
