I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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