3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
