im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
