You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
