we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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