Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
