If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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