i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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