Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
