my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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