I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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