WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
