im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
