The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
