What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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