even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
