Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
