Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
