I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
