We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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