its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
