It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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