I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
