and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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