Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
