turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
