i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
