Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
