After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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