I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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