What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
