I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
