I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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