i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
