It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
