Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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