wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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