Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
