I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
